At a London Train Station

It was at a London Train Station
I had missed the last train and it was two thirty in the morning
My hair greasy and my tired eyes trying to stay open
Trying to stay strong as each hour, each minute, each second
Fell like feathers to the ground
And I waited, and I waited, and I waited
Resting my elbows on my knees and letting my head hang between them
And I could hear the silence in the air
And the air was harsh and the cold was biting
And I could see my own frozen breath like clouds of cigarette smoke
And my teeth began to clatter as my knees began to tremble
And then the wind hit me and I curled up on my side in the fetal position
And my eyes closed
And for a moment, the empty station vanished

Then I heard footsteps
“Hey” it was a man’s voice, an angry voice
With hate in his throat and violence on his tongue
His tongue was dripping blood
“Hey, what the fuck are you doing?”
I ignored the question and kept my eyes closed
Feeling nothing but the warmth of my own body
Then he had me by neck pulling me violently to my feet, out of the warmth
And slamming me, with his hand to my throat, against the cold brick wall
And the back of my head hit the brick
“I said, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
There were two of them, peace officers
Each one stinking like the pigs that they were
“It’s alright, mate” I said “I’m just waiting for a train”
“The last train’s already left the station”
I smiled, my grin shit eating and a twinkle in my eye
“That’s why I’m waiting”
His hand loosened around my throat and came to rest on my shoulder
Then he asked me for some ID
I shook my head “I don’t have any” I said
And he didn’t believe me
“Driver’s license?”
“I don’t drive, that’s why I’m at a train station”
“College ID?”
“I never went”
“Passport?”
I said nothing, just shook my head
Then the pig smiled turning to his partner
His partner with the thick sideburns
“He looks drunk” he said
“He looks stoned” sideburns said
“He looks ... he looks ...”
And his smile vanished and his eyes turned cold and jealous
And his tongue continued to drip violence with hate in his throat
“He looks like a pretty boy” he said “Huh, pretty boy,
You got a girlfriend, pretty boy, huh, you got some cunt somewhere”
And his hand tightened once more around my throat
And he leaned in real close
“You must get your leg up every fucking night, huh lad?
When was the last time you had some wet cunt,
Some young twat’s wet cunt at your fingertips?”
And his eyes grew colder and colder and he smiled showing his black teeth
Showing the hate in his throat and the violence dripping from his tongue
He reached for my hand and I pulled it away clenching my fist
Then sideburns caught my neck with his forearm pinning me against the wall
And the pig grabbed my hand and held it up in front of him
“Open your fingers” he said
My fist clenched tighter
“What do you think” he said to sideburns “Drunken and disorderly?”
“How about possession of drugs?” sideburns said
“How about possession of a concealed weapon?”
And they both laughed
“Open your fingers” he said, and I did
And he sniffed them, a long and hard sniff
Then his face grimaced
“Jesus Christ” he said “She smells young”
And his eye became distant
“What’s her name?” he said, taking another whiff
I said nothing, just smiled a cold smile
And my eyes filled with hate
“What’s her name, lad?”
Again I said nothing
And he leaned in real close, so close that our lips were almost touching
And I smelt his breath, I smelt the hate in his throat
“Enjoy it, son, while it lasts”

Then they let me go, and they left, laughing
Their laughter echoing across the tracks
I sat back down and rested my elbows on my knees
And let my head hang between them
Then the wind hit me
And my teeth began to clatter as my knees began to tremble
And I remembered the cold
And I remembered the train I’d missed
And I remembered the warmth I had felt, curled up on the bench
And I sniffed my fingers and laughed
And my laughter echoed then faded
And I could hear the silence
Each silent second falling like feathers to the ground
And I waited, and I waited, and I waited